Matt and I have been together for two years, five months, and eighteen days.  During that time, most of my friends have heard mostly negative things about him and about our relationship, and yes, from me.  I want to take this time to clarify that it's not as bad as I make it out to be in my moments of anger and frustration.  I love that boy more than just about anything else on this planet, well aside from the usual family and that whole shananigans.  As much as we drive each other absolutely crazy, to the point of literally wanting to strangle one another, none of that seems to matter.  I mean it does, but its not the most important stuff.

What really matters, is that we love each other, and we really want to be with each other.  Yes, there are days that he makes me growl more times that he makes me smile, and vice versa.  However, that's a part of it all.  It's what makes our relationship what it is.  We have something special, however you wanna describe it. 

He is my life.  My past, my present, and my future.  We have been through so much together.  Hell, this time last year I was pregnant with what was supposed to have been our baby.  The baby ended up not developing past an embryo.  We found this out at my 12 week doctor's appointment, when we were suppose to be there to hear the heartbeat.  I have thought about that baby every day since then.  I've wondered "what if" a million and a half times.  And through it all, Matt has been by my side.  He was with me during, quite possibly, the weakest moment in my life so far.  For that, I owe him my life.

I plan to give him my life one day.  We were engaged at one point in time.  And then there was this huge fight, and I gave the ring back.  Once we got back together, he decided to keep the ring until we knew everything was going to be fine, which was fine by me.  That was over 7 months ago, haha.  It's okay though, I'm in no hurry.  But I do plan to spend the rest of my life with him.  I can't imagine my life any other way.  I want this boy forever.

Matt, if you ever happen to read this, I love you, with all of my heart and soul.  You're the one I want, forever and ever and ever and ever and ever.  And I'm incredibly sorry for the times I know I don't make you feel that way.  You mean the world to me.  Really.

Anyways, I just wanted to let everyone know that I love my boyfriend.  Half the time, yes, we want to kill each other.  But somehow, for us, that works.  In some awkward little way, we fit.  Don't ask me how, because I couldn't begin to tell ya.  We just do.  The End.

Last night I had a long overdue conversation with a former best friend.  If you're wondering, yes, I'm referring to Dustin.  It's been a little over a year since our friendship came to an end.  He hurt me and betrayed me worse than I ever imagined a BEST friend could do.  I remember that night like it was yesterday.  I mean hell, he was my very best friend for like five years, so when a friendship like that comes to an end, you kinda cant help but to remember the details. Anyways, I've since talked to him here and there, just saying hello and some brief catching up.  But for some reason tonight, we really had a conversation.  I'm not even sure how we got on the subject of what happened.  He apologized to me for what happened, and told me he was more sorry than he can ever possibly attempt to explain.  And I told him how I had forgiven him a long time ago, but this was my chance to finally tell him.  I also explained to him how bad he hurt me, and what a big deal it was.  I told him how he was the one person who I had told EVERYTHING to, the one person who stood by me through a lot of shit, the one person who didn't judge me for all the mistakes I made along the way, because lord knows, I made a lot.  Even though I have made a new best friend since all this went down, which is funny in itsself because she was apart of the whole thing, I still have missed the friendship I had with Dustin for 5+ years.  It was the kind of friendship that was irreplacable.  I'm not sure what the future holds, but its nice to know that we kinda have a fresh start from this point forward.  Im not planning on just jumping back in there like nothing happened.  It's going to take time, lots of time, for me to build trust in him again, and to just reestablish a true friendship at all.  We did agree to meet for lunch sometime within the next month, so I guess we'll go from there. 

Well I'm off to bed.  I just wanted to write about it because its almost like a huge weight off my shoulders.  I'm finally at peace with whatever kind of relationship it is that I have with Dustin these days.